He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
