I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
