guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
