i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
