Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
