What a fucking waste of an outfit
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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