watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
whose ass print is on the piano?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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