I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
