I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
