cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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