Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize