Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
