My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
