At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
