Duck Duck Cougar?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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