Will you blow on my dice?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
