4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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