Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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