i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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