Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
