no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
