Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
