things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MIDGETS
????
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
