Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
