Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
