I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize