I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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