this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
