he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
