My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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