I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
