I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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