you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
