I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
