Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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