You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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