I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
