I CAN MOONWALK!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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