Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
