I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
