Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
