For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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