Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
