She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize