apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize