Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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