So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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