i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
