Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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