I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
