and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
