Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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