I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we made out on top of his cat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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