Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
