They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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