My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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