Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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