Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize