tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize