Your dad touched me again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
