Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Panties = found
Randomize
