Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
