It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
