Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize