I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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