This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
