You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I supernannyed him into submission
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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