What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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