I just made out with a guy for $7.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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