That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
