She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
